PS 3507 
.0745 »^»^ 

T5 No Plays Exchanged 

1922 

Copy 1 



A Rural Comedy in One Act 
Price 25 Cents a Copy 







I 



I 

and the Radio 



+ ♦ + * + * + #+ ^|^ + ^j^ + .-; + ^^^^)^^^^^ 



Pablished by 

HARRY M. DOTY, 

Chatham, New York. 



I No Plays Sent on Approval i 






"TiddviUe and the Radio" 



A Rural Comedy in One Act 

By Harry M- Doty 



Author of "In Old New England". "Sackett's Corner Folks", 
"The Jonesville Sewing Circle", "Sprdggings' Quiet (?) 
Afternoon", "The Jonesville Board of Assessors", 
"The Jonesville Grange Initiation", "The Jones- 
ville Experience Meeting". "Just Plain Jones". 
"Is There a Santa Claus?" 



AMATEUR PRODUCTION FREE 



KARIRY M. DOTY, Publisher, Chatham, N- Y- 



Copyright 1922 
Harry M. Doty, Chatham. N- Y- 



V 3 3507' 



CAST OF CHARACTERS 



Mrs- Simpson, who entertains the choral club. 
Tommy Simpson, her son, a radio "fan", 

Mrs- Hohbs, who wants to hear by radio from her "latest 
lamented"- 

Miss Sophronia Jones, who resents having her curiosity 
aroused. 

Mrs. Susan Hicks, who don't approve of some modern 
things. 

Mrs. Ezekiel Tidditt, who proposes to know what's going on. 

Rev. 'Alonzo Tupper, pastor of the Tiddville church. 

Prof. Silas Jenkins, the choral club instructor. 



NOV 15 '22 

©CI.D 62804 



"TIDDVILLE AND THE RADIO" 

Scene — Sitting room in Mrs- Simpson's home with radio 
apparatus on table- 
Author's Note— A radio outfit is not absolutely necessary 
for the presentation of this play although one may be used 
if it can be obtained- With one or two small boxes, wires, 
receivers, or horn, etc-, a representation of the radio appara- 
tus can be easily maK^. Any of the various talking machines 
on the market will pVVide an excellent imitation. Such a 
machine should be placed^ behind a curtain on the stage, 
preferably near the box representing the radio apparatus, in 
order that the sound will appear to come from the latter- 
Vocal or instrumental music may be produced by a musician 
standing behind the curtain and speeches or recitations may 
be delivered in the same manner. This arrangement pro- 
vides almost unlimited opportunity for local hits which are 
popular with all audiences- 

(As the curtain rises Mrs. Simpson is discovered, dusting 
the furniture and carefully arranging it on the stage.) 

Mrs. Simpson— What my boy. Tommy, will be up to next 
I don't know. He seems perfectly bewitched after every- 
thing that turns a wheel or has anything to do with elec- 
tricity. He's got our trout brook running a water wheel 
to make electric light and operate motors. I can't say I 
dislike that because it gives us a lot of conveniences we never 
had before. He's got telephones and electric bells In the 
house and barn, a telegraph line running down to the vil- 
lage and now he's bought one of those radio outfits. There's 
no such thing as getting any work out of him around th-e 
house or farm nowadays but Pa says to let him go it be- 
cause he seems to have a leanin' toward those things and. 
some day or other he may be a great electrician like Mr. 
Edison or Mr. Marconi who invented the wireless telephone. 
It's my turn to-night to entertain the choral club and they 
all asked that Tommy be here and show them how this new 
wireless apparatus works. That's one thing he didn't have 
to be urged to do. (Looks ^bout room). There! I guess 
everything is in as good shape as I can make it. 

(Knock heard) 

Mrs. S.— That must be one of the club- Come in- 
(Enter Mrs- Tidditt) 

Mrs- T. — Why, how do you do, Mrs. Simpson. Am I the 



4 "TIDDVILDE ANiD THE RADIO" 

first one here? I see I am- (Remove wraps) That's all 
right, though, because I* always aim to be on time. I never 
could bear those folks who are always behind like an old 
cow's tail. 

Mrs- S — ^Neither could I but there are lots of folks who 
never do a thing until the eleventh hour. 

]>Irs. T — Yes, and some of 'em wait until the fifty-ninth 
minute of that hour, too- 

IVfrs. S — That's right but I don't suppose we ought to 
find too much fault with 'em, th(jjigh. Perhaps they're built 
that way and can't help it- 
Mrs. T. — ^P'raps but, lettin' me be the judge, there's plenty 
of 'em as don't try to help it. 

(Knock heard) 
Mrs- S.— 4Come in. 

(Enter Miss Sophronia Jones) 

Miss J. — lOh, how do you do, Mrs- Simpson and you, too, 
Mrs- Tidditt. (Removes hat which iMrs. S- places on table) 
It is a long time since I have anticipated a meeting as much 
as I have this one- I have heard a great deal about these 
radios and always wanted to hear one- I even put off settin' 
my sponge for to-morrow's bread in order to be here on"^ 
time. Ain't these things (pointing to radio) wonderful if 
they'll do what they say they will? 

Mrs. S. — ilndeed they are and I know you will enjoy 
listening to this one. 

Mrs- T — ^When I heard what the things do, I said: "Will 
wonders never cease" and I meant it, too. We thought the 
telephone was a great thing when we first had a line run 
through Tiddville but, my sake alive, it isn't anything to be 
compared to this radio- All you can hear on a telephone 
is things going on around here and they've got so many 
instruments on the line that it keeps a body busy all the 
time takin' down the receiver whenever the bell rings to 
listen to all that's bein' said- 
Miss J — ^Well, I don't listen every time I hear a ring. 

Mrs. T.— You don't! Then how in the world do you know 

what your neighbors are doin' and sayin'? 
Miss J. — Oh, I hear enough in other ways- 
Mrs, T — ^Well I don't and so long as I'm able, I'm goin' 

to know what's goin' on if I can find out- 

(Knock heard) 
Mrs. S.r-€oine in. 



"TIDDVILLE AND THE RADIO" . 5 

(Enter Mrs- Hicks) 

Mrs. Hicks — ^Howde do, ladies. I ain't too late to hear the 
radio, am I? 

Mrs. S — You're in plenty of time. Tommy hasn't got 
back from the village yet 

3Irs. Hic"ks — (Removing hat) I'm glad I'm early enough. 
I wouldn't miss hearln' this contraption for anything. 

(Knock heard) 

Mrs. S — Come in- 

(Enter Mrs. Hobbs) 

Mrs. Hobbs — Good evenin', everybody- (Removes hat) 
My land! You three here ahead of me! It ain't over with, 
is it? 

Mrs. S.— Wo, hasn't begun yet and won't until the minister 
and the others get here- 

Mrs- Hobbs — I'm glad of that because I've been hearin' 
so much about these radiCo things lately that I wouldn't 
want to miss a bit of it. I'm goin' to tell you right out and 
out. though, that I don't take much stock in all this talk 
about hearin' things through a box without any wires or 
anything for the sound to travel on. You've got to show me- 
I'm from Michigan. 

Miss J — You mean Missouri, don't you? 

3trs. Hobbs— Well maybe that's it. It's one of them 
states way out west, anyway. I'll bet there's some catch 
abo^ut this somewheres. 

3Irs. S.— No, Mrs. Hobbs it does everything that is claimed 
for it but I don't wonder you are skeptical- It really don't 
seem as if there could be such a wonderful thing. 

Mrs. Hicks^No, it don't and that's why we ain't goin' to 
believe it until we hear it. 

3Irs. T. — Well, it's just about got to the point where 
nothin' can surprise me much- Folks said they_ couldn't 
run boss cars without bosses but they did. I remember the 
first time I ever saw one of 'em. A man standin' near me 
watched one for as Stiuch as a full minute and then he said: 
"Gosh! There ain't no such thing." And he didn't seem to 
care who heard him, nuther. 

Mrs. S. — ^Then they got them X-ray machines they use 
to look right into you to see where your bones are broke or 
to find out if you've swallered suthin'. 

Mrs- Hicks — That's so. I remember when Jimmy Green 
swallered that quarter he found on the counter down to 



6 "TIDDVIlLLE and THE RiADIO" 

Peleg Saunders' store. Peleg wouldn't listen to nothin' 
'ceptin' them X-rays be put onto that boy to find out where 
the quarter was- 

Mrs. Hobbs — I remember that, too. Folks said the rea- 
son Peleg was so anxious to have the boy looked into was 
so he might know what chance he stood of gittin' the quarter 
back. 

Mrs- S. — I take it from your remarks that you do not 
consider Mr. Saundef-s is what you might call a philanthrop- 
ist. 

Miss J,— Yes, you might call him that but if you did, 
you'd warp the truth all out of shape- Most folks call him 
several other things that fit better, 

(Knock heard) 

Mrs. S — ^Come in- 

(Enter Rev- Mr. Tupper) 

Rev, T — iGood evening, ladies- I see yo,u, as well as 
myself, have accepted Mrs- Simpson's kind invitation to 
come and hear this wonderful invention in connection with 
the choral club rehearsal this evening, 

Mrs- Hicks— *Yes and we're all almost dyin' to hear it- 
Rev- T. — A bit of exaggerated statement, my dear Mrs- 
Hicks, yes, a bit exaggerated because the radio isn't intend- 
ed to have just that effect on folks. However, you curiosity 
with regard to it prolbably isn't greater than that of the 
average person who never has heard one of these outfits. 

Miss J — "Mrs. Hobbs don't seem to believe it does what 
is claimed for it. 

Rev- T.-^ little doubtful, eh? 

3Irs. Hobbs — Yes, considerably more than a little- 

Dlrs- T.— I'm kind o' skeptical myself. 

Rev- T — Most natural thing in the world that you should 
be- Many a thing in common use to-day was scoffed at when 
it was in its infancy. Because you ladies are doubtful is 
one reason why you're going to be agreeably surprised. 

Mrs. Hicks— Well, I'll be surprised if I hear someone 

way out west talkin" to us right here in this room- 
Mrs- Hobbs — ^Me, too- I don't believe anyone can get 

talk and music and such out of a box with a horn on it. 

(Points to radio) It ain't natural. 

Rev. T — ^I admit it don't sound reasonaJble but many 

things nowadays are surprising and this is one of them- 
Mrs- T. — It's goin' to surprise me if it works. 
Mrs- Hobbs— HMe, too- 
Rev- T.— 'I know these things do all that is claimed for 

them. I have never heard one myself but several of my 



"TIDDVIDLE AND THE RADIO" 7 

friends have and they have told me about it- I have given 
the radio serious thought of late and I must confess I am 
rather sorry it was invented- 

3Iiss J — OLand sakes. Why? 

Rev. T — ^I will state my views later in the evening after 
you have listened to the many things you are going to hear. 

3Irs. T — ^Why not tell us now instead of gittin' our curi- 
osity all stirred up and then stoppin'? 

Rev. T — Because after you have heard the radio you 
will be better able to understand what I am going to say. 

Mrs. Hobbs— Tell it now. I for one can understand a 
thing as well one time as another. 

Rev. T — iNo. ladies, I must request that you wait. 

Mrs. Hicks — Well, I suppose we can if we must- 
(Knock heard) 

Mrs. S. — Come in. 

(Enter Prof. Silas Jenkins) 

Prof. J — Good evening, everyone- I am glad to see you 
here. It bespeaks a commendable interest on your part in 
the higher things of life, in music for instance. Music, music, 
what is more grand, more glorious and more uplifting than 
good music, produced by the sweet voices the Lord gave 
us or instrumentally rendered by means of the talents with 
which He endowed us? 

Mrs. Hobbs— (Aside to Mrs. T.) Listen to that. He's talk- 
in' shop. Don't he know there's lots of folks who can't 
sing any more than our old brindle cow? 

Mrs. T.— (Aside to Mrs. Hobbs) That's right. And as for 
playin' on some sort of an instrument, why I'd as lief hear 
a wagon axle squeakin' as some folks playin' on a violin. 

Mrs. Hobbs — (Aside) Me, too. 

Prof. J — ^Perhaps had it been for me to say, the radio 
would never have been invented but such was not the case. 
I therefore bow to the inevitable and shall make no effort 
to block the path of progress. 

Mrs- S. — I don't know, professor, as I understand exactly 
what you mean. 

Prof. J — If I may, Mrs. Simpson, I prefer to postpone a 
more detailed explanation of my meaning until later in the 
evening. 

Miss J. — Land o' Goshen. More waitin' on the part of 
folks to explain what they mean. I don't understand it 

Mrs. T — tNeither<tdo I- I wonder wilt's got into the men 
to-night, bein' so mysterious. 



8 "TIDDVILLE AND THE RAiDIO" 

Mrs. Hobbs — ^Me, too- When I've got a tiling to say, I 
say it before I git a chance to forget it- 

Mrs- Hicks — ^Land sakes, professor, tell us now and have 
it over with. 

Prof. J. — ^Calm yourselves, ladies, calm yourselves, I pray 
you. I did not intend to unduly arouse your curiosity al- 
though I admit that is more or less easily done- 

Miss J. — (Listen to that- I guess there's lots of men that'-s 
got as much curiosity as any woman. 

Mrs. T. — ^You said it, Sophrony, you said it- As for me 
I ain't got a bit of curiosity about what the professor or 
anybody else is goin' to say bime by or any other time. I 
don't care whether they say it at all or not. 

Mrs. Hobbs— ^Me, too. If folks don't want to tell a thing, 
I ain't the one to try to make 'em although when anyone 
starts a thing I like to see 'em finish it. 

Mrs. Hicks — ^I think so, too, particularly as Mr. Tupper 
is also holding something back. 

Rev, T — All in due time, ladies, all in due time. The 
professor, like myself, probably has good reasons for post- 
poning a complete explanation. 

Mrs- S. — ^How does it happen, professor, that you came 
alone- I expected the other members of the choral club 
would come with you. 

Prof. J — ^They will all be here later. They are attend- 
ing a meeting of the village improvement society which will 
detain them for a brief season. 

Mrs. S — I wonder where Tommy is- It's getting almost 
time for the broadcasting and I want you all to hear one of 
those excellent programmes from the very beginning. (Whist- 
ling heard outside) I guess he's coming. That sounds like 
his whistle. 

Prof. J — He carries a tune well- I feel confident I could 
make an excellent musician of him if he would place him- 
self under my instruction. 

IVIrs. Hicks — (Aside) There he goes again, drummin' up 
trade this time. 

Mrs. S— I have no doubt you could, professor, but the 
most he thinks of nowadays is electricity and the radio and 
I doubt if you would find him a very attentive pupil. 

(Enter Tommy) 

Tommy — Hello, folks- Sorry I kept you waitin' but I 
was down to the store, helping Tom Jenks make a tunin' 
coil and I didn't realize how long I was stayin'. Is every- 
body ready to hear some music? ^ 



"TIDDVILLE AlND THE RADIO" 9 

Mrs. Hobbs— Ready! Of course we be if there's any such 
thing as music to be heard out of that thing. (Pointing to 
radio) 

Tommy— All right. Just wait until I get it tuned and I'll 
show you what it will do- (Goes through motions of tuning 
radio) Now keep your ears open. Something's coming. 
(Phonograph behind curtain at rear of stage is started- Play- 
ers sit at either side of stage and listen intently. Vocal or 
instnim-ental music can be substituted at this stage of the 
play if desired. Care should be exercised not to have sing- 
ing, speaking or playing too loud- Immediately after the 
first selection imitation of voice on radio is heard as fol- 
lows: "To-morrow evening at 7:45 you may have the pleas- 
ure of listening to a lecture by Professor Andrew Jackson 
Smith, one of Chicago's most gifted platform speakers.") 

3Iiss J. — ^Who was that speaking? 

Tommy — ^A man in a broadcasting station in Chicago, 

Mrs- T — iChicago. Land o' Goshen. You don't really 
mean that, do you, Tommy? • 

Tommy— I certainly do. Why not? 

]>Irs. T.— Well if I ain't clean beat. 

Mrs- Hobbs — 'Me, too. 

Mrs. Hicks— Well now don't that beat all? Who'd have 
thought we'd ever hear anything like this right here in 
Tiddville? Wliy if this sort o' thing keeps up, a body won't 
dare to do a thing because if they talk, them air waves or 
whatever they be, will take their voice and scatter it all 
over creation for folks to listen to. Just think of me givin' 
my Johnny a good scoldin' some day and havin' the presi- 
dent down to Washington or the Queen of France listenin' 
to every word I say- My Land! I'd be so mortified I wouldn't 
know what to do. 

Prof- J — ^France is a republic, Mrs. Hicks. They don't 
have queens in that country. 

3Irs- Hicks — Well, whatever or whoever 'tis that's at the 
head of things over there. 

Mrs- T. — I don't care so much about spreadin' folks' 
talk through the universe but I do hope they won't invent any 
machines that will sprinkle our thoughts all over the world. 
I think a lot of things, sometimes, that I wouldn't want 
anyone to know about. Why Mercy Sakes, suppose some 
folks right here in Tiddville knew what I think about 'em 
and their goings on! It would probably wouldn't change 
their ways any but I'll bet there's plenty of 'em as wouldn't 
speak to me again. 

Rev. T. — You shouldn't have such thoughts, Mrs- Tiddlt- 



10 "TIDDVIDLE AND THE RADIO" 

3Irs. Hicks — ^I'd like to know how any woman who's a 
member of the meetin' house in good standin' is goin' to 
help havin' 'em when she recalls the way she was brought 
up and then thinks of what she sees and hears and reads 
about the things folks do nowadays and the way they live- 

Mrs. S, — ^You know these are modern and enlightened 
times. If you talk like that, folks will say you have not 
kept pace with the age. 

Mrs. Hicks — ^Is that so? Well, if I've got to git myself 
up as some of 'em do, I'll stay old-fashioned to the end of 
my days and be proud of it, too. Not so long as I've got 
my mind will I go 'round in such rigs as some of 'em wears- 
Scandalous dresses and paint plastered on so thick you'd 
think their faces had been kalsomined- I declare if it ain't 
got so you can't tell the grandmothers from the granddaugh- 
ters by the clothes they wear. 

Rev. T — (Ladies, don't let's take time to argue matters 
of dress when we have the opportunity to listen to this won- 
derful invention. 

Miss J. — I think so, too. Is the machine ready to work 
again. Tommy? 

Tommy — ^Yes, it's time for a concert In Chicago. I'll 
tune in and get it. (Business of tuning in after which music 
is heard* either by means of the concealed phonograph or by 
someone singing or playing behind curtain.) 

Mrs. Hobbs — ^ (After two or more selections have been 
rendered) Say, Tommy, I never was so glad of anything as 
I am that I came over here to-night. That radical thing there 
(pointing to radio) has give me an idee. 

Tommy — It isn't a radical, it's a radio. 

Mrs- Hobbs — ^AU right, all right, whatever 'tis you call 
it- They tell me that with one of these things you can 
hear from folks away off in Africa or Egypt or some other 
place thousands of miles away- JSIow if it will carry mes- 
sages as far over the land and water as that of course it 
will carry 'em straight up and that will give me the chance 
to get some information I've wanted for a couple of years. My 
third husband, Abijah, (sobs) used to make the best liniment 
for rheumatism that I ever used. He never had the receipt 
writ out but carried it around in his head- Wihen he knew he 
wasn't much longer for this world, (sob) he told me to ask 
him anything I wanted to know that would be of use to me 
after he was gone (sobs and wipes eyes). There was a lot 
of things I did ask him but, of course, I forgot some because 
I couldn't think of everything. (Sob) 

Mrs. Hicks — (Aside). No wonder he died. He was just 
simply talked to death. 



"TIDDVIULE AND THE RADIO" 11 

]»Iiss Jones— (Aside) I thought he petered out kind o' 
sudden like after he begun to go down hill. Now I know 
why. 

, Mrs. Hobbs— (Resuming) As I say, I couldn't think of 

everything and one of the things I forgot was to ask him how 
to make that liniment. I know skunk's oil was one thing 
he put in it but what the others were I don't know. I've 

. tried almost everything since then for my rheumatism but 
nothin' does as much good as that did. One of the things he 
said to me (sob) was that if he couldn't be with me in human 
form, he would be with me spiritually and that he would ever 
be lookin' down upon me from the battlements of the New 
Jerusalem (sob). He was a great man for puttin' words 
together so they sounded nice, just like that (sobs). 

Mss J. — (Aside) My land, I don't see how he ever got a 
chance to git a word in edgewise, nice or any other kind, 
when she was around. 

Mrs. Hicks — (Aside) Neither do I. 

Mrs. Hobbs — ^Wihat I was goin' to say is that if he is 
really lookin' down upon me, (sob) he probably remembers 
he forgot to tell me about that liniment and I'll bet it's an 
awful worry to him when he knows I'm sufferin' with rheu- 
matiz, particularly when there's a storm comin'. (Sob) Now 
Tommy, what I want you to do is to fix that radium ma- 
chine — 

Tommy — Radio, not radium. 

Mrs- Hobbs — Yes. radio, that's what I m«ant_ As I was 
sayin' I wish you would tilt it or tune it or time it, or what- 
ever 'tis you do to it, so it will send sound straight up. Mebbe 
he will hear it. If he does, let me ask him about that lini- 
ment.' I also want to ask him where my best pair of lookin'- 
off specs is. I ain't been abl,e to find 'em since he — since 
he (sob) — ^went away. 

Miss J. — (Aside) Mebbe he took 'em along to do his 
lookin' down with. 

Mrs. S. — ^(Aside) She seems to take a lot for granted. 
Suppose it wasn't up that he went. 

Mrs- Hicks — (Aside) I'll bet he didn't care which way 
he went so long as it was where he wouldn't be talked to a 
frazzle. 

Tommy — I never heard of one of these machines getting 
messages from above excepting from an airship. Anyhow 
if it could, it wouldn't help you any. The government allows 
only a few of the larger stations to send messages. All I 
can do is to receive 'em. 



12 "TIDDVILLE AND THE RADIO" 

Mrs* Hobbs — 'My land- Is that so? Do you mean to tell 
me that when you're usin' that thing, all you can do is 
to listen to what somebody else is sayin^ and never have a 
chance to say a word back? 

Tommy — Yes, that's exactly it. Some day we'll probably 
be allowed to send messages but not now. 

3Irs- Hobbs — ^Well, I don't want one of 'em in my house. 
I don't believe in these one-sided conversations. 

Mrs. S* — (Aside) You bet she don't unless the one side 
is hers. ^ 

Prof. J. — ^Pardon me, ladies, but permit me to suggest 
that you postpone your discussion until some more opportune 
time in order that we may make the most of the opportunity 
we have here to listen to the classics. iSuppose, Thomas, 
that you ascertain what the air waves are saying at the 
present time- 
Tommy — jAll right professor. (Adjusts machine) Here 
comes something else. (Two or three selections are ren- 
dered). 

Rev- T — ^Now, ladies, I think perhaps it is time for the 
explanation I promised you earlier in the evening when I 
said I am rather sorry the radio was invented. My reason 
for taking this position is that eventually everyone will have 
these m'achines in their homes where they can listen to ser- 
mons and the result will be that one minister of each de- 
nomination will do all the preaching, away, off in Chicago, 
San Francisco, London Paris or other places and then what 
will become of we poor country ministers? There will be 
no need of our services and all churches will be closed. I 
think you will now realize why I cannot see my way clear 
to becoming an enthusiastic advocate of the radio. 

Mrs. S. — ^Close the churches? I guess not much. We've 
got to have our strawberry festivals and oyster suppers and 
dee cream sales and our Children's Day exercises and Christ- 
mas exercises with the youngsters speakin' pieces and old 
Santa Claus distributin' the presents and where are we goin' 
to do this if not in the churches? It's likely to be some 
time before these radio machines git to handin' out sassers 
of ice cream, dishes of strawberries and plates of oysters not 
to mention Christmas presents. I guess, Mr. Tupper, you 
needn't worry about havin' to hunt up another job right 
away. 

Rev. T — ^Perhaps you are right, Mrs. Simpson. At any 
rate I hop^ so inasmuch as I have reached the time of life 
where no occupation other than preaching would seem na- 
tural. 



"TIDDVILL/E ANiD THE RADIO" 13 

Miss J. — Of course she's right- Folks stand for a lot of 
things bein' taken away from them and for a lot of changes 
but folks as is real folks wouldn't listen to their churches 
bein' done away with, radio or no radio. 

Eey. T — It would seem somewhat strange for a com- 
munity to be without its church, wouldn't it? 

Mrs. Hicks — ^It certainly would and no such thing is 
goin' to happen. 

Mrs. Hobbs— You bet it ain't. Radios takin' the place 
of preachers! Huh! Can you picture one of 'em marryin' a 
couple if they couldn't answer it back when the ceremony 
gits to the point where they've got to say she's his and he's 
hers fer better or wuss? 

Mrs- Hicks — And when we lay our dear ones away we 
want the sermons preached by a minister we can see and 
one who can speak to us face to face and give us a few 
words of sympathy- 
Miss J. — And what sort of a job would it make of sprink- 
lin' water on the children when their folks want 'em bap- 
tized? 

Tommy — ^Hark! Just got a message that some famous 
singer in Indianapolis is goin' to sing a song. Here it comes. 
Listen- (Song by singer or on phonograph) 

Prof. J — (At conclusion of song) Isn't this wonderful? 
We heard that singer as plainly as if the song was sung 
right here In this room. What would our forefathers think 
could they come back and listen to this wonderful invention? 

3Irs. Hobbs— They'd probably be so surprised they 
couldn't say anything. 

Prof. J.— This, perhaps, is the time for me to state why 
I am not enthusiastically in favor of the radio although 
I must admit, as does Mr- Tupper, that it is a wonderful 
invention. People in this day and generation are becoming 
more and more inclined to follow the line of least resistance 
therefore it would not be surprising, in the comparatively 
near future, to find them confining themselves exclusively 
to the music produced by means of the radio rather than to 
prepare and rendeo-s concerts of their own, and making 
use of the talents with which they are endowed. 

% Mrs. T. — (Aside) I see what he's thinkiu'. Afraid he'« 
goin' to lose his choral club job. 

Prof. J — ^People would restrict themselves to listening 
to radio concerts in Chicago, New York or some other place- 
All the entertainments would be broadcasted from the large 
cities and the production of music elsewhere would soon 
become a lo&t art which, to my mind, would be a catastrophe- 



14 "TIDDVILLE AND THE RADIO" 

3Irs. T. — (Aside) It ain't so much lost art he's worryin' 
about as lost salary. 

Prof- J. — It would mean the end of such enjoyable gath- 
erings as we have in connection with our choral club rehears- 
als, the lack of community association such as exists when 
we hold concerts and the absence of the local contact we all 
need in order to realize the full and complete enjoyment 
of life. 

Mrs- T. — (Professor, you are on the wrong track if you 
mean these here radicals (pointing to radio) are goin* to 
keep folks to home all the time, particularly seein' as how 
it's a machine you can't use, as yet, to talk to anybody with. 
Folks always has met together in the churches and other 
places and I guess they always will. My land, how do you 
suppose we'd know what's happenin' right here to home if 
we had to wait for one of them things to tell us? I, for one, 
propose to know what's goin' on in Tiddville as long as I'm 
able to navigate. 

Mrs. Hobbs — ^Me, too. 

Miss J — ^You can count me in on that- 

Mrs- S — I guess, Mrs. Tiddit, we all feel the same way 
about mingMn' with our neighbors. 

Mrs. Hicks — iWhat! Stay to home all the time and hear 
nobody talk except someone away off in the other end of 
these United States! I guess not! Professor, if you've been 
layin' awake nights, worryin' about this thing (pointing to 
radio) puttin' a stop to neighborhood gatherings, you might 
as well begin sleepin' sound and plenty again. 

Prof- J- — Glad to hear you state your views so lucidly, 
ladies, and for reasons personal and otherwise, it is my sin- 
cere hope that you are correct. It would be a source of 
very keen regret to me if — 

Tommy — (Interrupting) Hark, folks, Hark! Here comes 
a dandy, a regular lollypalooser. Listen, quick. (All give 
attention to radio) 

Voice behind curtain — ^When the gong sounded both men 
were on their feet, ready for the fray. Battling Jackson led 
to the jaw and Young Oomesky countered with a right to 
the left ear. The men clinched. The referee separated them. 
The fighters mixed it furiously for two minutes and the 
round ended with honors even- 

(During the preceding speech, the Rev. Mr Tupper has 
raised his hands in horror. Some of the ladies hold their 
hands to their ears. Prof. J. indicates displeasure. All are 
horrified) 

Mrs- Tiddit — Stop that machine, Tommy! Stop it, stop 
it quick! What awful thing was it sayin' anyway? 



"TIDDVILLE A'ND THE RADIO" 15 

Tommy— Awful ! Say, that was great. They're broad- 
casting the report of the fight for lightweight championship. 
Rev. T — ^Horrors! A beastly prize fight! 
Tommy — ^Sure! Why not? 

]>Irs. S.— Wlhy Tommy! I'm ashamed to hear you talk 
like that. 

Mrs. Hobbs — Me, too. 

Prof. J — Well, I suppose they have to broadcast all sorts 

of things to please all sorts of people- 
Miss J. — Well, if I ever get one of those machine, they'll 

never get me to listen to any such stuff as that. 
Mrs. Hicks — ^Nor me either. 

]>Irs. T — Them's my sentiments exactly. Prize fights! 
Ugh! 

(Knock heard. Mrs. S. goes to door and admits mem- 
bers of choral club. After greeting Mrs. S. and the other 
players, they remove their wraps and are seated) 

Member of tlie CInb — Oh dear, I suppost we have missed 
all of the wireless concert. 

Tommy — ^No, there's plenty more to be heard- 

Mrs. S. — Remember, Tommy, no more of what we just 
had. 

Tommy— All right- I'll tune in with Pittsburg this 
time. 

(After business of tuning, two or three selections may 
be given by singer or on the phonograph- Then Prof. Jen- 
kins tells the members of the choral club it is time to pro- 
ceed with the rehearsal which begins with the professor in 
charge, the club members as well as those who have speaking 
parts in the play participating. There is great opportunity 
for comedy in conducting this rehearsal although the pro- 
gram should end with some well-rendered numbers. 

('Regarding comedy possibilities in the rehearsal it is 
suggested that it be made to appear more or less difficult 
for the members to get started on the proper key, that the 
instructor become exasperated by discords, that one or two 
members be a measure or two behind the others at the con- 
clusion of the selection, that one or more members have 
■difficulty in singing solos in a manner pleasing to the in- 
structor- Burlesque may be introduced here but care should 
be taken not to carry it to extremes or the effect will be 
spoiled. It should be made as nearly as possible like the 
rehearsal of an old-time singing school.) 

(Curtain) 



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